Confessions Of A Cabdriver

If Ninjas came in...

2004-08-23T06:36:00.000-04:00

I know I know, I'm writing this way late. I suck. It was a long night, and tips sucked. I also didn't have a chance to sleep all day Saturday, so I've now been awake since Friday night.

First was a very very strung out dude nodding out in the back seat from Breathless to the Center Bar in Carteret. He un-intentionally tipped me as he thrust a wad of bills at me.

Some dude went from Chrome to work at C&S on Blair.

An older woman and 2 teenage guys from St. James church to Port Reading. I pulled up to the house and passed the driveway by about 5 feet. (Only because they didn't tell me which house was theirs until we were passing it. People give you an address sometimes and immediately expect you to usher them to their doorstep, whether the house even has a number on it or not.) So now the kid keeps looking at me and saying the house number over and over again in a panicked voice. So I point at the house and say "yes there it is." I guess he expects me to pull up to the doorway or something. So I back up 2 feet and finally they get out. OK.

Then Dannys me to pick up Pathmark in Avenel. On my way he switches me with someone and says get the Loop instead. I guess the driver that was there didn't want to take the fare to Newark. I pulled up and (after a small argument with the security guards at the desk) find the fare they say they want to go to Newark Penn. Which is really easy to get to. But then they decide it's too expensive so they want to go to Rahway train instead. The Loop Motel must be a pretty crazy place because they have a gated entrance & handcuff toting desk clerks.

Washington Ave Carteret to West Park in Avenel. This guy is a regular back and forth from the house in Avenel. Some strange people come and go from that place.

7-11 Byron. He goes to the C&S warehouse. There are no trucks to unload tonight and he's pissed he spent the money to go to work for nothing.

Steve W a driver goes from work to the Tropical Bar, but then he decides it's too crowded in there, so he goes to Cancun instead.

Wegmans to Taco Bell. When I get to Taco Bell I see a dude playing with a kitten in the parking lot. It runs off and I see it's a dumpster cat. I stop to talk to him and he tells me he thinks it's injured. Either it had blood or ketchup all over it's head. We talk about it for a moment, and he heads off in search of it again.

Judy goes home from the REO.

Back to the REO. Some guy is going to Flynn funeral home. I have no idea why he's going here, it's 12:30 in the morning, and I don't think I want to know why.

Danny goes to the City Tavern.

The Legion supposedly 2 fares there. The bartender tells me the other guy wants to stop at Quick Check. I figure yeah it's slow, why not. His fare is $4.50 and when we finally get to his house he tells me he only has $2. Wonderful. I take it & throw him out. Back to the Legion for the bartender. He gets home without incident.

Chicken Galore to Carteret. I don't know why it takes those guys 3 plus hours to close up the shop & get out. I've done similar food service and never stayed longer than an hour after close time.

City Tavern to the Comfort Inn, a drunken fool of a business guy. He wants to stop for cigarettes, and keeps threatening to puke in my car. I tell him that I'd rather he didn't as this will make me puke, and then I'll have to clean up 2 people's puke and that isn't fair. We get there and he throws a $20 bill at me (his fare is $6.50) and runs out of the cab to puke. I yelled after him to make sure he drinks some water before he passes out.

Kevin the Indian stripper lover goes from Breathless home.

Coreja Ave in Iselin is going to Queens with a stop in Union City. Tim assures me that they speak English, and know where they are going. Wrong and wrong. No English, and they can't tell me a thing. So I get Tim on the horn, and he's able to give me a decent route. So off to Union City to drop the first chick off. Unlike the Blondie song this place is neither Blue nor in English. It's like Perth Amboy time 50. Every street is like Smith Street. Tons of spanish stores, and a light at every corner. Next through the Lincoln Tunnel, down 42nd street in search of the Queens Midtown Tunnel. I did see a video being filmed, though I couldn't tell who it was the cameraman was right in front of her, they were filming in a car. (Kind of looked like Britney though ::sigh::) I sort of get to the area this broad is going to, and she is grunting and pointing. Turns out she's pointing in the wrong direction. She's yelling at me in the only English she knows "103 Corona 103 Corona 103 Corona" Yes lady I know that's where you are going! Tim helps me turn around and find the place. And I toss her out. On my way back through the city I come across the largest collection of cops I have ever seen. In front of the Garden entrance to Penn Station, there are about (no joke) 1000 cops justt milling about. As I'm driving through this I'm describing the scene to Tim on the phone... maybe I should get off my cell phone while I'm driving through this many cops huh?

REO diner goes home from work to the Hollywood motel. She's amazingly hyper for 5am.

And finally a goes from Hopelawn to the airport. I have a hard time convincing him to come with me as he has called a limo service, but they passed the call on to us without him knowing it.

Finally I can go home and sleep!!

So Sorry...

2004-08-22T08:13:00.000-04:00

Sorry I haven't been updating guys. It's not that I'm ignoring you, I just haven't been in work very much. I've worked like 3 hours since my last post, and nothing really happened in those 3 hours. I really haven't been doing very well with these daytime hours. I miss nights really bad.

So last night sucked! First of all 5 of my 7 fares were so wasted they couldn't speak. Which normally would be a good thing, except for the fact that they tried to anyway. So I got a whole lot of "shrrarreaarrmmmmfmfmf".

First is Charlies Angels to Meinzer in Avenel. I've dropped this guy off at strip clubs before, but never had the pleasure of retrieving him. Guess I was lucky up till now.

Next. Howie. Drunk. I've never seen him this bad. He fell out the door of the bar. Stumbled into the van, and then fell out upon arrival at his house. He kept mumbling something about his Fitzgerald. Some guy he's in love with. I believe this is where Howie picked up his hiv.

JR's some couple from Stroudsberg PA. They kept calling saying they were at RJ's big difference. So when I got them in the car I explained the difference. Poor folks there were 2 old people sitting in there with them otherwise the place was empty. Someone told them to go to the Lemon Tree, but they didn't know where it was. (2 blocks away) They would have had a much better time. The guy said something I haven't heard in years. When I mentioned I used to live in Westchester, he said "Come in High & leave Gay" I had forgotten all about that joke. Ahh good old Westchester.

In between all these I spent plenty of time sitting in the office.

Carmine sends me to the train to get someone who will be pulling in any minute. I get there and Greg is passed out in his car. So I pull up in front of him, and wait 20 minutes while the train is late. Finally some frat boys come off of it carrying a giant blow up penis. Great. Then they walk completely around the van to Greg's car and bang on the window to wake him. Fine. Fuck 'em.

Head over to some apartments I didn't know existed at the end of McFarland, and pick up the dude from Woodbridge Village who used to go to Bunns Lane. He kept telling me how great the band that played Friday night at Jammers was. "They played all the hits, Steely Dan, & The Allman brothers and everything!!" Jeez can't believe I missed it. http://launch.yahoo.com/lc/?rt=0&rp1=0&rp2=1214631305 This is my personal radio station, trust me you won't find any Steely Dan on it.

Next the Main Tavern. Going to St. James in Woodbridge. He flipped when he heard the fare was $5. He says "what are we in a fucking depression?" So I say "Well at $2 a gallon of gas, pretty much yeah." He tells me it's coming out of my tip. Whatever dude. So he gives me a $2 tip & says "there would have been $3 more for you, but your dispatcher took it out of your pocket." So I guess he expected to go for $2. Yeah ok.

Plaza Drive an Indian broad going to Fiat in Iselin. She didn't tip. But she was mercifully quiet. That's tip in itself.

There is a van call to go to the airport at 5:45 at Sharon Gardens. I get there about 10 minutes early. Just in case they come out early. At 5:40 he comes out & tells me 10 minutes. I tell him waiting time starts at 5:45. So they take their sweet ass time coming out bringing 1 suitcase at a time. While I am waiting Carmine tells me that there is a group at the airport that will be going to Princeton for $105. This will definitely save my night. So next time I see the guy I ask him if he's almost ready I have to pick somebody else up & they are waiting. He says "Well our appt. WAS at 5:45 and you got here at 25 of." And? That's all the more reason you should be ready by now 5:56. Douche. Finally at 6:05 they get in the car and I tell them there is 20 minutes worth of waiting charge. The woman says "Oh no, he gave me a flat fee, and all I pay is $50. I told him we'd take time to load up, and he said that was no problem yesterday." I'm trying to stay calm, really I am. So I tell her he probably figured she meant like 5 minutes, and we can't eat 20 minutes worth of loading time. She wasn't happy. So I finally get them out of the van at the airport, and head off in search of these Princetonites. Now friggin Carmine didn't bother to get a phone number for them or even which door they were standing at. All he tells me is it's a woman wearing a black skirt at Continental. Great. I drove around that fucking airport for 50 minutes these people were nowhere to be found. I know they were waiting a while but I was definitely there within a 1/2 hour of their call. Dammit. I needed that call, aside from the near hour I lost searching for them. I ended up only booking $86 in 7 hours.

Then I decided Fuck you guys, I'm goin home. I'm gonna have to go in early tonight. So you should be hearing from me again soon.

I love Sundays!

2004-08-09T07:02:00.000-04:00

I did pretty decently last night pulling $70 in tips on a $265 book. Tim was dispatching when I got there, then I left for the hour or so to watch 6 Feet Under with my mother, and carmello was there when I got back. Tim should be on the next 2 Sundays though Carmello needs off.

First call was Michael court to Carteret. The kid talked to me like we were best friends who haven't seen each other in years.

While I had him in the car, Tim called my cell and told me to jump on the Turnpike and go to the Marriott in Raritan Center. I get there, and it's 2 woman and one of their daughters going into NY to see Chicago. It's now 5:50 and the show starts at 6:30. They asked me if they could make it. I answered "no." Plain and simple there was no way. They seemed pretty cool with that, and we set off. They were really sweet middle america type people. I managed to get them there by 6:45 and they were happy. They asked me if we could come back and pick them up, and I told them "Look, we can come pick you up for another $100, but you are nice people and I'll be honest with you, when you come out, there will be cabs here jump in one to Penn station and take the train back to Woodbridge. It'll only cost like $20 that way, and we'll pick you up there." So I guess that's what they did. I heard later that they called but kept missing stops (I have no idea how) and we eventually got them in Edison.

I got a welfarian that goes from Perth Amboy to Avenel every day. She wanted me to stop at a liquor store for her. They always want all this extra shit, and it's not like they ever tip or anything. C'mon people you are getting this ride for free. How much more do you want? Since I cleared right there, I just went right over to my mothers.

A couple from LA goes from Walgreens to the Hilton. I don't know how they ended up at Walgreens with all their suitcases.

Hilton to Fridays. This guy was a total jerk. I can't quite explain how, he just was. He called later and gave Carmello a bunch of shit cause he was drunk. So Carmello left him there, and we didn't pick him back up.

New Brunswick Ave to Port Reading. When I stopped in front of his house some guy behind me almost hit me cause he was FLYING up this little residential street. He had plenty of room to go around me but didn't have time due to his speed. Then he was pissed at me. OK.

The bartender from the Legion went from the REO to Carteret, on the way I grabbed a woman from the Development Center also. He was uneventful, she insisted she was only paying $8 since that's what Carmine charged her last night. She is a regular, and normally pays $10, but now all the sudden she wants $8 all the time since Carmine is an idiot and fucked up. Great.

I was sitting in the office while a newer driver came in to book out. He turns to me and pretty much demands I "run him around the block". Then he can't tell me where the hell he's going. He keeps saying "by Main Street" when I keep asking him what that means he gets all pissy, and says the Main Tavern. Why he couldn't say that to begin with is beyond me.

Then I take a hooker from the Gem motel back to Elizabeth. She didn't say she was a hooker, but she says when she gets in the car, "I don't like coming this far away, I get scared ya know?" Plus I dropped her off on a corner with a bunch of other girls. Do what ya gotta do lady.

The Markowitz guy goes to work.

Danny goes home to the Star.

I pick up a Mexican dude on Minna and take him to a bar in Perth Amboy, he keeps asking me if I'm married, and if I have any "babies". I have picked him up before, and he always asks the same questions. On the way I grabbed a guy out of the City Tavern, and dropped him in Fords.

My stripper from Breathless goes home to Port Reading. It's always a nonstop tirade of bitching the whole ride, this time about how her boyfriend is cheating on her. She used my cell to call his when we got there to ask him to come down and help her carry stuff in the house. He didn't answer, and later on that night I got a missed call from that number. I'm waiting for another phone call from her soon flipping out and asking me why I'm calling her boyfriend. I guarantee you she forgot she used my phone to call him and called the number to find out who it was. (I have Britany Spears on my voice mail she must have loved that!)

A case of beer and a pack of cigarettes to the Mexicans. While I'm standing in the bar pulling the beer out of the cooler, the bartender walks by me and I guess he was going to poke my stomach, but somehow he "tripped" and grabbed my boob to catch himself. He's like "Oops sorry". Yeah ok dude. Thanks.

1 1/2 hours in the office reading a book and listening to Tommy & Chris talk at the top of their voices. They also lost a bunch of money to Carmello playing poker.

Last official call is a family of 6 to the airport in the van. I piled all of the luggage in, and they go to get in only to find out the doors don't open. Apparently the van was in an accident last week, and they haven't bothered to fix it. I had no idea. So the whole family had to climb in for the other side, I apologized my ass off, and they seemed ok. I drove nice & safe & slow, pulled them right up to the curb, and dragged all the bags out again for them. It payed off though, they tipped me $25. Woo Hoo.

Then I got gas and drove Tommy home. The bastard didn't even bother to offer anything when I got there. We don't get charged to ride, but it's only courtesy to give the driver something for their time. Bastard, it's not like he lives right on Main Street, he live in freakin Metuchin. Oh Well.

Finally time to go home yayy!

3 cars 4 calls

2004-08-06T21:02:00.000-04:00

Sorry I haven't written in a while, I didn't go to work much this week. I've been feeling like shit. Switching shifts is killing me. I miss the nights a lot.

So the first call I took was this guy from Seattle going from the Sheraton to Newark. He was pretty darn cool, and tipped well. Very nice, He kept telling me to make sure I marry for money. It was a fun ride.

Then I rush back to switch into the crappy van for a 2:30 appt. These indians finally come out at 10 to 3, and expect me to load all of their 100 lb. bags into the van. Bastards. This is the trip from HELL. The stupid terror warning has all the bridges & tunnels all blocked up for "security". This makes it a 4 hour trip. 2 hours each way. No air conditioning. Thankfully it's like October weather, or this would have been cause to jump off of one of said bridges. Radio is broken as well. I don't think I got over 40 mph the entire trip. So we get there, I lug all of the bags out of the car, and I tell them it's $111 with the tolls. Can you believe this indian dude actually pulls $111 out of his pocket hands it to me a starts to walk away?!? I have never said anything to a fare ever about having to tip, but I freaked out on this one. I told him they made me wait almost a half hour, I sat in all that traffic, I won't get back for at least 2 hours, and lugged their bags and I'll be goddamned if they think they aren't going to tip me. So he holds out a $5 bill, I grabbed it, slammed the door, and took off. Fuckers.

I didn't get back to the office until 7:00 so I ate something.

CVS to the mall. 2 asian lesbians. They talked in chinese or something the whole way.

Then back to the office.

Liberty Tavern to Bristol Arms up by Metro. He was a drunken mess telling me all about his DUI and asking my opinion. I don't know what to tell you dude. Then he tips me $10 and insists on giving me his phone number. He never even told me his name. Whatever.

I got gas and decided to leave it at that. I might go in tomorrow. Maybe not. Depends how I feel tomorrow.

Rain Wash O'er Me

2004-07-23T21:10:00.000-04:00

Ok, so it's freakin POURING!!! Yuk. (Tuesday & Thursday's posts are drafted on my computer at home, so I will put them up tomorrow.) As soon as I pulled up at the office this morning & put my car in park the skies opened up. Figures. Then there were no cars for an hour so I sat around & waited.

Finally a car comes in, and I take an Indian woman her daughter to Carteret. On the way I pick up these 2 little boys and drop them in Port Reading. The thing about it that bothered me was they couldn't have been a day over 12 if that even, and as soon as they got out of the car they both lit cigarettes. I smoked young too, but seeing it just bothered me.

Then I get a woman in Carteret to the food stamp place in Perth Amboy. She has "skinny bald Puerto Rican Carl" (her words not mine) pay for her.

Next the Hess Plaza building to the Ramada by the airport. This ride sucks!! It's past the airport on 1&9 south. No one could tell me if it was past the airport or not though. So I take the Turnpike up through exit 13, and fight my way over to Rt. 1 through Elizabeth. Rt. 1 is a fucking mess, it's absolutely torrential rain. So I see the hotel, but it's on the other side of the road right by the 1&9/21/22 split. So I need to go into Newark, find a place to turn around, & then get back on 1&9 south. Grr. I get him out of the car, and start to head back. The Turnpike has an accident at exit 12 & exit 10 southbound, so that's out, and Rt. 1 is moving at 25 mph the whole way because it's mostly flooded. Dammit.

Finally I get back, and Carmello sends me to the Sheriton for another airport. But they seem to be gone already. Instead I find 2 guys going to the mall, and a guy going to Metro.

I shoot down to Fords, and grab a waitress from the Menlo Diner. She's pissed she's been waiting over an hour, but I'm in a good mood (somehow) and I manage to smooth her over.

From there back to Metro area, Wood Ave corporate guy going to Iselin. He was cool. From LA originally, and very laid back.

Then I get this huge Indian guy going to the mall, I can barely understand him, and he can't decide whether he wants to go to Woodbridge or Menlo. I dump him at Woodbridge and practically toss him out of the moving car.

Applebees, a couple gets in the car and want to go to the Commerce Bank, then to Metro. I slam them for an extra $4 in waiting time. Traffic at Metro now sucks. Bad.

Hilton. To the Sheraton. Gorgeous. Accent. Athlete. This British guy (with great teeth too!) is here to play in the world championship Cricket tournament. But it's rained out. It was supposed to air on Pay-Per-View. I tell him that I have never seen a Cricket game before, he tells me it's the most boring thing in the world so they had to soup it up, and this was like Cricket meets the WWFE. With pyro and everything. He tipped really well, and I didn't want to let him out of the car.

Menlo Mall a woman & her daughter to Village Drive.

Then it's quiet, so I head back to the office & Jen is headed home. I take her to the Forge.

Then a nice little triple. 2 different guys going to RJ's (strip club) & a girl going to the Galaxy. They all tipped. YAYY!

Then I sat in the office & bullshitted for a while, and gassed up since it was slow.

When I got back to the office Danny convinced me to do 2 locals, so I ran them really fast and here I am. Like I said, the last couple of days will be up tomorrow.

Daylight sucks

2004-07-22T22:26:00.000-04:00

So I switched to the day shift. Sorry I've been slacking on posting, as a result I seem to have lost Monday's trip sheet, so I can't tell you about it. But I will do today & yesterday in this post. I'm really not digging the hours the money or the traffic, but I guess I have no choice.

Tuesday:

First I went to get Jo-Jo & take him all over the world. He needed to go to the bank first, then he wanted to stop at Krauzers so he could call his guy, then we wait for the guy to walk down the street. Jo-Jo gets out, gets his shit, then we need to stop at the liquor store because he is buying Paulie some booze as a tip. Stop at the office to drop it off, then finally take him home. That was an entire hour.

Then I get an address over on Leesville. The girl comes out with a million bags & suitcases. I ask her where she's going, and she says Stamford. I incredulously ask her "Conneticut!?!" Yup that's where she's going. I call it in and Paulie says "Shit, see ya tomorrow" She is going to the train station there and has no idea how to get there. Paulie can't tell me either. His suggestion is stop at a gas station for directions once I get there. Great. So we head off, and she is screaming into her cell phone in Indian for half the trip. She insisted on sitting in the front seat right next to me, so this LOUD conversation is going on in my ear. Finally she gets off the phone and wants to talk to me. This actually turns out to be pretty cool, because she has only been here from India for like a year, and has never actually talked to anyone from here, and I have never really spent any time doing girl-talk with someone from India. It was very interesting to talk about the different views we had, as she had never dated anyone, and her marriage was arranged. She never even saw her husband before her wedding, and I could barely fathom this. They have been married 4 years now and are making things work because they have to. But overall very interesting conversation, she thought so too which she told me ad nauseaum. (She did make mention that she likes to talk a lot.) I ended up finding the station very easily (it was right off the exit) but I had to wait for her husband to arrive to pay me. It was $125 fare plus the tolls. I made it back in ok time, and had a fare 3 hours after I left. I did extremely well considering I was making my way back through NY between 4:30 & 5 pm.

I ran a Carteret to Woodbridge.

An ex-driver from Pathmark to the mall. (Whom I also went to thigh school with)

King Chef to the Sheraton. Some Chinese guys who wanted a receipt, and didn't tip.

Then a very bitter woman from Parsonage Road to Plaza Drive.

Then I'd had enough and went home.

Thursday:

First I had a Woodbridge to Metro. Pretty quiet guy. I was very unhappy with the daytime traffic at this point as I was very very tired and not in the mood to be here.

I was sitting at Metro for a little while when Paulie sends me to Hoes Lane to pick up the total bitch that everyone hates getting. She comes out a half an hour late. Then she was a complete bitch about it. When she was getting out I said have a good day, and she looked at me like I was nuts for talking to her, and slams the door. You're Welcome!

You know what this was the only interesting thing that I can recall happening all day, so I'm gonna end this here. Sorry.

(I am writing this up on Saturday) Tomorrow is Sunday, and I will be working my long night shift with Carmello, so tune in then for some real fun.

Highlights

2004-07-19T07:04:00.000-04:00

Last night was wicked busy so I will not bore you with every last excrutiating detail, but just the highlights. I booked an even $400 and walked off with $92 in tips. (That's good) I haven't been working much lately trying to figure out what I wanted to do, since I pretty much cry every day when I have to go to work because of Steve. So I have come to the conclusion that I will go back to working on the day shift, and only work nights on Sundays with Carmello, cause he rocks. Only thing is work doesn't know this yet. So here it is 7:15am, and I need to get up in about 4 hrs to call work and find out if this is ok, then be there by noon. Yeah, it's gonna hurt.

So my day started out at 5pm, with a call from the Calire building to the Galaxy, there are 4 girls in this building who all work there, like some kind of little cult or something. Strange.

Next I buy a pack of cigarettes and deliver it to someone's house. Someone should really market a business like this. Delivering whatever you want to your house. We do pretty much whatever you want, but imagine you are stoned at 2am, and someone will bring you a soda and a bag of sunchips, or the proverbial pregnant woman her Rocky Road ice cream or whatever. They would make a killing with the right advertising.

Then there is a bunch of drama with a driver not being able to find a fare at the Turnpike rest stop. I head over there and she's standing in the middle of the road. How he missed her is beyond me, she looked like a drowned rat.

From there I get this great little run of people going to and around Carteret. 6 calls in less than an hour. Danny (the dispatcher on at the time) just kept feeding me call after call. Mostly doubling them up. It was great. I got someone from the train in to Carteret, a stripper going to Breathless, a regular who works at Pathmark going home, a couple to the laundromat, a guy going to work on Blair, and another dude going to the strip club. $51 in all.

Then a very nice lady from A&P to Fords. I take her all the time, she never remembers me, and even when I tell her I know where she lives, she still insists on giving me directions. With her I get a Mexican from the office going to New Brunswick. This would be great if not for the fact that every Sunday I take off for 1 hour at 9 to go watch 6 Feet Under, the only TV I watch, and it is now 8:30 and POURING rain. Damn gonna miss some of that. I rushed back and was only a little late. (It rocked last night by the way. David almost got killed by a psycho mugger guy. If you do not watch this show, there is something wrong with you and you should begin immediately.) (Unless you are my little cousin, in which case there is no need for you to watch it. Please don't your mother will kill me.)

Then I got back on the air, ran a few small ones, and got some food. Good thing I did this now as I did not get a chance to stop running for pretty much the rest of the night.

I went and picked up Jo-Jo next. Jo-Jo is a crackhead. He is also a really nice guy. He always pays his fare, and will generally not dick you around. He goes from his house to Chrome to get what he will tell you is just a little weed, but you do not go to the ghetto and find the black dude on the corner for a dimebag of pot. I got him, and stopped at the pay phone so he could call his guy. We drive around, and the dude is not there, there are cops driving all around us, and I'm beginning to freak out as he has me do like 4 trips around Chrome. Finally he says forget it, and as I'm stopped behind someone making a left, some black guy gets in the car. I get ready to freak and Jo-Jo tells me he called him over, just relax and drive. They make their deal, and he gets out. Thanks alot Jo-Jo.

Next I get a guy from Carteret who's going home to Jersey City, he was pretty cool, and he gives me easy directions back to 1&9 so I can grab some people from the airport on the way back. This is a good run $90 in like 45 minutes. Doubles like that are great. No wasted time.

Then I get tripled up from the train station to Avenel. Yayy.

I run over to Breathless and pick up Kevin from BHT. Kevin is a very large (and by large, I mean very fat) Indian guy who goes to all the strip clubs every night. He has this disgusting woman with him, who is also pretty large, but is wearing a miniskirt and tube top. She also has her eyebrows shaved off, penciled in about 3 inches above where nature intended them, and has the space filled in with so much blue eyeshadow, it looks like grease-paint. They fight the whole way.

2 drunken biker-type dudes get in the car with the tiniest chiuaua I've ever seen. Very manly.

A few other calls happen, but not too much excitement.

And 1 airport, where are the cops when you need them. They give us so much shit, when we pull up there, just to drop off, that we pretty much need to throw the fare out of the moving car. I got stuck for 10 minutes behind some asshole who parked in the middle lane, left his dog in the car and disappeared. Wonderful.

Ok, there is probably more I want to say, but it's 8am now and I need to be up in 3 hours. So I'm going to attempt some sleep now.

I'm back..

2004-07-13T07:03:00.000-04:00

But man I wish I wasn't. Grr.

So my first call was with the 4-9 dispatcher, that's why it was a decent call. It was 2 Indian guys going from Best Buy to the Edison Family restaurant. They weren't very eventful, however what I passed along the way was. There was some guy who had JUST gotten hit by a car. I didn't see too much on the way to the restaurant, but as I passed by on the way back I could see that this guy was bent in ways the human body was never meant to. (I saw Final destination 2 the other day, have you seen it? Or the first one for that matter? It was like that.) The worst part of it was as I drove by, I had no choice but to run over the sneaker that was in the road, due to the police now beginning to arrive. I really hope his foot wasn't in it. Eww.

Then Steve arrived for the night. Yay. He chases me from Oak Tree Road to Ideal Trailer Park. (Which is far, for those of you who don't live here.) For a $5 fare. (Chasing is when they send you from 1 end of the world to the other and then back to the first side of the world for crappy fares)

Then I went to the train and grabbed a very soaking wet (but good natured) guy to Aspen Manor.

Sit in the parking lot. (Good thing I brought a magazine today.)

The crazy asian broad from JC Penny's to Bergen Street. She must have been able to tell I was in a bad mood tonight because she seemed to (thankfully) have toned down the lunacy.

Back to the parking lot.

P.C.'s brother called for a ride home to the hotel they live in together. Usually the dispatchers will say "Let him take care of you" which means "Don't write it down, put what they give you in your pocket." (This is reserved for other drivers and the like) Steve knows this guy always hands you a $5 bill, so he insists that it be a $5 fare. Jerk. I know that 50 cents was really important to his night. (Dispatchers make 10%) He is always the guy to nickel & dime anyone.

Now he sends me to pick up Aldo at the airport. (I knew this was coming, the earlier dispatcher told me to make sure to take the only van we have on the road right now specifically because this call was coming in) Aldo is returning from his vacation in Florida with his wife baby another chick, and about 20 suitcases. This is a $120 fare as Aldo lives in south Brunswick. It rained all day here so a lot of flights were delayed until just this minute apparently. The traffic leading into the terminal pickup area was backed up to infinity. It took me 14 minutes to get there, and 1/2 an hour to find him. Finally I get him in the car and get some good bitching about Steve in. At least put some bug in his ear about all the fares & drivers we are losing at night. I get him home, and he tells me to put the $120 down as a charge, and he will call Steve and let him know so I don't get yelled at. He also hands me $40. Thanks Aldo! There's my Ozzfest ticket! On the way back Steve tells me to add the 15% gratuity to it as well. No Problem. This brings my pocket to an even $100 for that fare. Thank god, this is just about all the money I'll make all night.

Parking lot again.

He sends me to an address on Green Street that I know is next door to a blacklisted house. I mention to Steve that this is the case and they seem to be coming out of the bad house. He yells at me and tells me to take them anyway. So glad we have that blacklist. They come to the car and tell me that their drunk friend has prank called us and is not coming out. Again I tell Steve and get no response. I hear the address go out again about 20 minutes later. He is still sending drivers there. (And he calls us stupid!) I am wondering if some address was blacklisted for like robbing and raping a driver, if he would still send us there anyway.

Back to the Parking lot.

Howie goes home from the bar. He goes on in his normal monotone drone about all his family problems. Honestly I didn't hear a word.

Now I don't get a call for over 2 hours. I hear others going out, but whatever.

Next I think he gets strapped because I hear him asking someone else how fast they can get back. (We can only hear the dispatcher side of the conversation over the air) He sighs and sends me to get an airport. (BTW this airport and the Aldo call are the only calls I get over $5.50 while he's on.) These people got REALLY mad at me for taking the turnpike instead of the Parkway. The parkway goes 10 miles out of the way, and takes a lot longer. I tell them this and they bitch that now they have to pay for the tolls. I can't win, I save them money by taking Route 1, they want the faster (not really, but it seems to them) Turnpike (no lights), I save them time (or so they seem to think) and they want to save money. Whatever. I do what I feel like now, as I'm gonna get bitched at either way. When they ask me how much for the tolls I tell them $2.40. I hear her whispering in the back that I only gave the toll collector $1.40. I freaked her out by saying: "Yes, it's $1.40, but you pay round trip tolls, which makes it $2.40. So yes, your total is $32.40." She shut up really fast.

I came back and took one guy to work at Lowes, and gassed up. I said "See you tomorrow" to Steve on the way out the door, he said nothing. Oh Well.

I'll be back... (spoken in governor-ese)

2004-07-06T21:44:00.000-04:00

Don't worry guys, I'll definitely be back soon, I'm taking a small hiatus from work until I can get along with Steve. I'm going back to work in the next couple of days, I promise!

Fuck Steve

2004-07-03T06:34:00.000-04:00

Let me just get this off my chest. Steve is a fucking jerk. He treats everyone like complete shit and thinks it's funny. "Yeah I'm a dick, so what. Everyone is below me anyway." He treats the fares horribly, and us drivers even worse. It's not right, and it's not fair. I'm sick of getting screamed at, both by him, and the fares that are pissed because he yelled at them, or hung up on them or whatever. He is a greedy selfish pig-headed egomaniac and the rest of us suffer because of it. He needs to realize that he is not the only person in the world who has problems, and gets tired or irritable, and there is no need to take it out on all of us. He may be able to talk to his wife that way, but I am not fucking him, and therefore I am not going to take it much longer.

PS - I am really angry this morning, (can you tell?) so I apologise for the cursing rant.

I am pretty tired, and can't really keep my eyes open, (and I still need to drive home) Plus with as angry as I am all my writing will be jaded. So I will write about the night later when I wake up. 2-ish or so. Sorry.

Uhhhgggh

2004-07-02T06:09:00.000-04:00

Well, the night was going ok, but it ended pretty crappy.

First fare was 2 of the wait staff going from Jose Tejas to Carteret. They were pretty quiet, and live in one of the paradoxes of the world, they live on Oakwood which is off of Oakwood. Carteret is a weird town.

Next was the White Rose guy. He complained of not sleeping, welcome to my world dude.

Then a quiet kid going from town to Iselin. Tipped pretty well.

I go to pick up this Indian guy from a restaurant, and bring him down Green Street. His fare is $6.50. We get there, and he hands me $6.25. I point this out and he says "that's all you get." Motherfucker. This angers me. But I'm trying not to be crazy mad bitch lately, so I decide not to argue, instead I kick him out of the cab, and peel off.

Next I pick up a girl from Champps, who need to be at her train in 7 minutes. She's so happy I got there as fast as I did to begin with. She lives in Manhatten, and has just worked a double. She really wants to make her train. I get her there with time to spare and she tips $5.

The next lady I pick up is also a waitress, and has also just worked a double. She's from Charlie Brown's and smells really bad. I didn't get rid of her stench for a while.

From there I go all the way up to Inman & Grove, and find a small complex of projects. I get to the apartment I need, and see a guy heading for me. Very Very slowly, he is limping. Finally he gets to the window, and tells me the fare is gone. Wonderful.

I spend some time in the office, Carmello is just leaving and Steve is just starting. I listen to them talk shit for a while and get 1 call. It's some kid going from Maple Hill to Fords. He spends 5 minutes staring at me out the window before realizing, yes, I am his cab.

I sit in the office for a little while longer, while Steve tells me that no, he doesn't hate me, I just annoy him because I talk, and he wants to be left alone. I tell him he could just tell me this instead of yelling at me all the time. And I guess I just won't talk to him anymore.

A call comes in for this strange little road named Rainbow Ct. They are supposed to be going to Manhattan. The road is only sort of on the map. It is not actually drawn anywhere, it's just listed somewhat in the area it is supposed to be. I drove around for 20 minutes trying to find it. Finally I find this house, they wanted the cab at 1:30, I wasn't too late. I beep. And I beep. And I beep. There are some kind of Arab dudes wandering in and out of the house. People hanging out on the front porch, no one even acknowledging I am there. Finally at 2:10 a man with the thingie on his head, and a women finally get in the car, while still hanging out bullshitting. Assholes. So we head off and they are going to Battery Park. We make it almost all the way there with no calamities. Just about there when the dude tells me that he will be going on to Long Island after we drop the woman off. This information would have been more useful YESTERDAY! So I call Steve and he agrees to do the whole thing for $150 plus tolls, they seem to be fine with this. So I drop the woman off and get some vague directions towards the Midtown Tunnel. On my way again. FDR Drive is closed and has some crazy detour, but I find it. Head throughout the tunnel, and get on the LIE. Now the LIE is closed 1 exit before I need to get off it. Thankfully I find out that that particular highway has a service road that runs directly next to it. This helps a LOT! So I drop him off and thankfully he gives me really really easy directions back. I'd rather not be lost in Long Island at 4am thank you. He also just thrusts an entire handful of bills at me, which turns out to be close to a $30 tip after I change my route as to avoid a bunch of tolls. Woo Hoo!

I get back to NJ, and Steve is surprised I made such good time. There was traffic on the belt, but I spent the majority of the trip doing 70 or better, so it totally made up for any traffic I hit anywhere. Riding down the belt was actually pretty nice, there was heat lightning going on around me, and a HUGE full orange moon. Plus the water always looks prettier at night, you can't tell how dirty it is.

So once I'm back over the bridges, Steve gives me a call over near Menlo Mall. Well, let's just say that's not where I went. I am the first one to admit, I fucked up. Bad. This is the first time I have EVER fucked up that bad that I went somewhere so wrong, I couldn't fix the mistake in a minute or two. So he had to send someone else to the call, and the woman was picked up very late. I feel just terrible about it, but there's nothing I can do about it now. Let's just see if tomorrow suffers for it. He pretty much sent me home after that.

But speaking of home I am headed there now, I'm pretty tired after my wild duel-state sojourn. I'm hoping to get up early and go to the movies today. Well, till tomorrow...

Bang Bang

2004-07-01T08:13:00.000-04:00

Nothing overly exciting tonight, if you want the real action, check in on the weekends, that's when most of the craziness happens.

First call was a regular that goes from Carteret to the White Rose. He's always quiet when I have him, but I've heard other drivers say he comes out with some pretty weird stuff. Last one I heard was witchcraft (not Wiccan) rituals or something.

Next was this guy from Brooklyn (who says he's just visiting, yet I picked him up from "work") going from Charlie's Angels to Perth Amboy. He swears he wasn't in the strip club, just went there from the trucking company he works at to call a cab because it's a landmark. OK. I wouldn't care either way, but he was so adamantly swearing it without any provocation. I thought he was going to beat me cause he had to go in the house to get the money, and didn't have any personal belongings to leave for insurance. He took his sweet ass time coming out, but he did.

Then another regular, an old woman who works in the nursing home. She never looks very happy.

I picked up the older brother of an old friend from his job to the train station, but I didn't talk to him very much as I was on the phone his whole ride. It was the last day I could do so legally, as the statewide cell phone ban went into effect at midnight last night. (not that it'll really stop me.)

I switch cars since someone calls for a van job, and no one is in one at the moment. I like the van, not as ballsy as the cars, can't be taking any street races with a Windstar mini-van, but I still like the van for some reason. Comfortable. So anyway, they told the dispatcher they were 5 people, which makes it much more expensive. They were really 3 people 1 child & a baby. First of all they could have fit in a car, second, their fare could have been at least $5 cheaper than it was. Of course I didn't tell them this or anything since they were rude as hell. I was on my way there when the guy starts to tell me I don't know where I'm going. Which is why I have a license and he doesn't I guess. Then we get there and they decide to leave their 30 bags in the car while they check themselves into the hotel. Uh-uh, so I grabbed one of them and made her drag all the stuff out.

Then I took this Indian guy from Green Street to the Pioneer, he says something pretty funny, and true. As I turned a corner off of Oak Tree Road, there are about 10 people just wandering down the middle of the street. As I'm laying on my horn, I'm bitching about how there are sidewalks they could be using. He says yeah they never use them around here, I agree with him and he says: (this is the funny part) "it's like one big backyard to them" not hysterical to you maybe, but then you must have no idea what Oak Tree Road in Iselin is all about.

>>Ok so I was on my last fare here and got booted off aol, and lost the whole fucking thing. Dammit. I'll try again, but I seriously doubt it will be nearly as witty. I probably had like 1 sentence left to write.<<

Next was a black kid from Fords to Woodbridge, and my first decent tip of the night.

Then I head over to Mulberry Street (a bar) and find this kid who says he was in the bar with his dad and things got heated so he left. I ask him if he was in that bar, or the Elk Lodge and he says "Oh no, I can't drink, I'm only 16 years old". No Shit.

I grab a 6 pack and run it over to some guy, when I get out of the van and start to say something he shushes me violently, looks quickly toward the house as though someone is about to come running out of it, then looks at me like I'm crazy. Don't know what that was about.

One of the Mexicans home from Fridays.

Next I drive Mary home and she insists on telling me about the spider that bit her tit. Gross.

From there I run over to Breathless and find the Mexican who speaks great English from the other night. I have to tell you his English isn't as good when he's drunk! But he did tolerate my playing of Type O Negative's "Unsuccessfully Coping With The Natural Beauty Of Infidelity" (I Know You're Fucking Someone Else) at top volume.

I snagged a guy off the train who seemed quite gay, and thought it was the wildest thing in the world when I told him I was having a brain fart as to where his street was located.

There was a ghost call in Carteret which put me right near the next call which was a chick who was paying $9 to go like 5 blocks cause she was too drunk to walk it. Hey, she tipped too!

Finally my last call was to Laguardia with this chick who was going to South Carolina, and then on to Texas, California, and wherever the wind blew her from there on a 6 week vacation. It must be nice. I actually felt bad for her though. When she called yesterday to make the appointment, she told them her flight was at 8:30, so she needed to be there by 7. Whoever it was told her we would need to pick her up by 4am. Whoops, she wasn't happy she got there at 5am. 3 1/2 hours early. She just figured it was a 3 hour drive. She actually asked me what she was supposed to tip. Maybe it's me, but how do you answer that question? I told her I guess the same as a waitress like 15%. She gave me $20. Not too bad. I've gone to Laguardia and gotten $1. Hell I went to Kennedy for nothing once. Bastards.

Somehow I managed to get back to town in 1/2 an hour. (Probably illegally, but we gotta have fun somehow right?)

Like I said, Thursdays Fridays & Sundays are when you'll find all the real fun stuff, so I'm sorry if this was a little boring for you!

Goodnight! :)

It's here

2004-06-30T20:12:00.000-04:00

Ok, I'm much better now. Thank you. So last night was really busy, but somehow I didn't make any money. Again I'm not sure what I did to Steve, but he hates me for some reason. There were nothing but big fares going out last night, and got nothing but single digit fares all night. I actually only had 4 fares that were over $10, and 2 of them were before Steve came on. Dammit. He did send me for a $65 fare to Long Branch at one point, but before they got there he sent me somewhere else and put someone else on the call. That sucked.

Anyway, my first call of the night was awesome, it was these 4 drunken Portugese guys off one of the oil ships. They didn't tip a penny, but they were so much fun. Surprisingly they weren't rude either, they did hit on me but it was never rude. They were going from Moby Dick's to Breathless, and all they kept saying the whole way was "Go Go, Go Go". One of them in the back did a pretty good George Bush impression. When I told them my name, they started singing it out like the drunken sailors they were. I dropped them off and they said they were going to ask for me, but Mike ended up getting them instead. (He says the whole ride they kept asking for me though)

The next woman I picked up made me wait 20 minutes before telling me She wanted to be picked up on the other side of the building. Bitch.

Then I took a regular guy to work. He works at one of the trucking companies unloading the trucks. I guess he had a busy night, cause I never heard his call go out to go home.

Next, we were late as hell getting some chick to work at the Turnpike rest stop, which she certainly let me know about. The next fare as well, some Arab dude going to the same place that I could have grabbed together
if he had called 5 minutes earlier.

I brought I stripper to Charlie's Angels, who made my skin crawl by sucking and chewing on ice the whole way. She kept calling me ma, I think this is some new rap slang like shorty or something, I keep hearing this lately.

Willy was next, and he was so wasted he couldn't remember why I won't pull up his driveway, but he did go through his entire spiel on how I need to wait for him to get away from the car and blah blah blah.

The next call was a freakin mess. Let me give you a little back story. We used to have a driver that I was pretty good friends with, (I actually miss him a lot as now I have nobody to call in the middle of the night and bitch about work to) who had a very jealous girlfriend. She actually called me one night flipping out because my phone number was on his phone. So this was the girlfriend. She was drunk as hell, going to some guy's house, while telling me she was running away from her boyfriend. She tells me all about how this boyfriend is crazy, and threatens to kill her and steal their daughter, and all sorts of other drama. She also tells me how he cheats on her, as she is on her way to this dude's house.
I know this other driver had his problems, but the picture she is painting is a really ugly one. She didn't tip either.

I grab a 6 pack from the Main and run it over to the Mexicans on Kimball. This proves to be really difficult as TT (I mentioned him the other day) is in the bar (and drunk) and follows me to the car, refusing to let me leave. (I did manage to leave, but it was after threatening never to pick him up again)

I grabbed a guy off Woodbridge train and took him home.

Now, I get sent for the Long Branch, but before they get there he sends me to get Annie. OK I can deal with losing the good fare to get Annie, but that's not what happens. I get over to Fridays, and Annie's not outside, so I figure good, I can run in to get her and pee. So I park the car, lock the doors and go inside. The bartender tells me Annie already left, this guy passed out over here needs the cab. So as I'm unlocking the door, I feel this guy grabbing me from behind. I freaked out and pushed him off me and was just about to knock him out when I realized he was just stumbling, drunk. He's lucky. So now he passes out in the car (thankfully after I realize who he is and where he lives, since he's going to Clark) I manage to smack him awake in front of his house, he hands me some crumpled bills, (which don't include a tip) gets out and falls face down in his driveway. Oops.(I said to myself as I drove away quickly)

Back to get the girlfriend at the dude's house. Now she's even drunker, and crying because the police are at her house. I'm not totally sure why, she gives a few explanations (one of which include her calling them) but none of them make much sense, and she has me drop her off 4 blocks from her house. While I have her with me, I get another guy. This is the guy from the other night who wanted to know my life story. This guy is another one who is lucky he has limbs after grabbing my shoulder and attempting to rub it, he overtips to compensate for me yelling at him. Fine with me.

A few quiet people pass. An old friend of my brothers. And a few down moments when I finally get to pee.

Finally I do get Annie, and she's drunk as well. She says she left Friday's because this drunk guy was freaking her out. Thanks Annie I got him instead. She gets home with a minimal amount of trouble and now I can't hold my eyes open. I actually pored some water on my face on the way home just to not fall asleep. It was pretty scary. I drop the car off at the Forge, where P.C. (see post on other drivers) lives and will drive it to work in the morning, and head back to the office. I think Steve is happy he's rid of me for the night.

Gassed up and gone home. I think I'm gonna stop writing this after today, It's corny.

It's coming...

2004-06-30T04:55:00.000-04:00

Hey guys, I just wanted to pop on and let you know that there definitely will be a post today regarding last night's adventures, but it is going to be a little later than usual, as the forementioned adventures are currently sharing space with the 2 nights previous. I haven't slept in a really long time, and my body has decided now's definitely the time. So I promise you I will write as soon as I wake up. Hopefully not for at least a month! Maybe I will also awaken to find I've won the lottery... (It will absolutely be today though I promise!)

Nothing Doing

2004-06-29T06:40:00.000-04:00

Unfortunately, I don't have too much to report tonight. It was pretty slow, and (thankfully for me, sadly for you) everyone was pretty quiet.

My first dare <--- (went to fix spelling on this to say fare, but I think it was some kind of fruedian slip so I'm leaving it) of the night was this asian woman we pick up at the mall. This woman is freakin NUTS! It's hard to explain how, but ask any driver about Bergen Street and watch them roll thier eyes. There was another fare with this one, but she gets in the car, pays, and gets out of the car. A cabdriver's dream.

Some dude went from the mall to Carteret.

This guy from Riffy's I think he's some kind of owner or manager there. Everybody but me knows who he is, all I know is he hands you $10 for a $5 fare.

Next is some woman going to Bunns Lane with 2 massive laundry, I think she was moving in there. Also quiet.

Howie to the bar. Even Howie's quiet tonight. A guy jumps in with Howie goes to Carteret. Again not a talker.

Someone to work. No tip.

One of the Mexicans from Chi Chi's. He tips.

Now I get sent over to Dunkin Donuts in Fords in search of someone going to Jersey City. Naturally there is no one there. Gotta love the ghost calls. For some reasom I tend to get tons of these when Carmine's on the desk.

I pick up this couple from Moby's to Perth Amboy. The alcohol coming off of them is enough to get me drunk. At least the weren't obnoxious. The next guy however...

This dude is way too hyper. As soon as I think this, almost in explanation he offers me a line. Thanks but no thanks. I did accept a lighter from him though. I asked him for a light and he let me keep it.

Then I head for this kid whom I take all the time. He goes from Woodbridge to Fords. He never talks, and when I try to say anything to him I usually get a grunt if anything. Tonight he actually has me drop him off by his house, usually it's the corner.

I was on my way to get Annie when my direction changes to the airport. It begins to pour. So I hydroplane my way up there and find a woman going to Iselin. She was staying in a resort in Pheonix on buisness. It must be nice. She tipped very well though, for the weather she says. Hey, no complaints from me!

Strange guy who works at Wendy's. Lives in Fords.

And finally an old driver who now works at UPS calls & requests me. His car broke down in the parking lot. D'oh. So...

Gas up and go home.

PS - again, good for me and bad for you, not EVERY night is crazy. (just MOST of them!)

Wet socks suck.

2004-06-26T06:23:00.000-04:00

It was pouring rain when I woke up tonight. So before I even get started for the night, as I'm walking in, there is this HUGE puddle, no scratch that, lake in front of the door to get in. No choice but to walk through. So now my feet are wet for the night, and we all know there is pretty much no grosser feeling in the world than wet socks. Please Taxi Gods don't let this be a sign for the night! Guess what...

First call is a drunk guy with one arm. He's only going around the block, but can't slur out the address. I ask him to just point the directions out. (Bad wording.) But nonetheless he tells me he loves me as he gets out of the car. This is why I like the drunks, it's nice to be told you're loved.

Then the first of many, many ghost calls. (A ghost call is when you go for someone and nobody's there.)

I pick up a girl to bring to work at a diner. She has also switched shifts, I used to take her when I was on the day shift. Now she works nights as well.

Some crazy people from Avenel are going to Linden. Well one of them is going to Quick Check and back, the other 2 on to Linden. The guy keeps trying to offer me gum, I don't know why, but he keeps insisting I take some of this gum. It almost seemed like he was pushing drugs. Maybe I should have taken the gum...

I can't take Route 1 back because it looks as though there is a truck accident and it's closed, so I take 35 back. Tim (who dispatched till about 2) sends me to Bud's Hut. Ghost Call. Main Tavern. Ghost Call. Chi Chi's. I'm pulling in the lot and he says forget it, get Jammers. I wish I wish I didn't get Jammers.

Jammers is a guy who speaks very little english and is going to Newark. He says he doesn't know how to get there. So I get directions and jump on the Turnpike. About half way up he starts freaking out. (imagine this in broken english) "No NO Newark 10 minutes Avenel what happened?" So I tell him yes we are going to Newark, relax we're almost there. So from about exit 13A all the way to his house he's screaming and freaking out. I get to the exit I'm headed to and he's really panicking now. "No No Newark Newark!" Over and over again. Now I'm getting mad. So naturally I start yelling back at him. "We're in Newark. Where the fuck do you think we are?" So now we are a real special sight, sitting in line at a toll booth screaming at each other. The only time I've ever screamed at a customer this much I finally tell him "shut the fuck up dude you are an asshole". Contrary to what you may believe this did not make him stop yelling. (nobody ever said I have people skills.) He keeps going and I tell him if he doesn't shut up, I ain't taking his ass to Newark but to a police station. He didn't like that either. Finally we get to the toll collector and I ask him to please tell the idiot in the back seat that we are in Newark. He just laughs. Finally I get the guy out of the car and head back to sit in traffic. (The truck accident I mentioned has been cleared, but the road is still closed for some godforsaken reason.)

I should just go home now. I should re-name this site sado-maso-chick instead.

I pick up a guy at the Main who tells me all about how much money he makes working at the NY Stock Exchange. But I'm taking him from the Main Tavern (5 old guys sitting on the stools) to the City Motel Tavern (3 old guys sitting on the stools). Yeah you're rich buddy.

Then I got a guy from the Holiday Inn in Carteret who blew a tire getting off the Turnpike and had no spare. He was actually pretty cool, easy conversation all the way.

Back to the Main for 2 drunks, one of which bartends at the VFW, and usually is too wasted to get into the car, and the other is carrying a (probably stolen) neon sign. Thankfully that goes smoothly. Neon sign guy tips really well.

A few quiet people take their rides and get out.

I take Annie home, and she listens to me bitch about how mean Steve is being lately. She's always good for that. I guess it comes from 15 years as a bartender. She also offers to have him "taken care of for me", nice offer, but I know Annie is damn serious.

Now I'm sent to pick up on a corner in Woodbridge. Turns out to be TT, a previous driver. TT never wants to go home and literally begs me to let him ride for a while. He says he misses the job. TT took a DWI to help someone else out. He wasn't driving, but the guy who was depended on his drivers license to live. So TT took the fall for him and lost his license, and consequently his job. I feel bad for him and figure why not? So he rides along for a while.

We go to pick up the bartender from the Main. He tells another way too descriptive story about how he burned his ass falling asleep on a heating pad. People seem to get into my cab and think I want intimate details about them for some reason. I really don't. Really.

Since I'm up in the area, I grab Jen (another driver) and bring her into work. She's nuts she works 4am - 4pm. That's a crappy shift.

I get 1 airport and it's someone TT knows, his best friends mom. She didn't tip though. She's a flight attendant, and is headed to Cancun today. 1 round trip, 8 hours, and she makes $750. Where did I go wrong in life?

Last fare is a waitress from the REO home, and then to drop TT off. I get back to the office and Steve is bitching about how stupid all the drivers are. Last impressions are just as memorable as first ones. Kind of like how the last song you hear on the radio in the morning sticks with you all day...

Gas up & Go HOME!!!!!!!

PS - I never work on Saturday nights, so have a good weekend and I'll be back here early Monday morning with Sunday's events.

I'm on the Night Train

2004-06-25T06:09:00.000-04:00

Dammit, I overslept again, and didn't make it in until like 10:30. I don't know how my body expects me to make any money if it keeps doing this to me. Maybe it's mono, or maybe I'm just really depressed. (Ok, bad movie reference. I know. Hey, could have been worse, I could have said "Maybe it's a tumor, It's not a tooma") But anyway, Steve said he was in a good mood when I got there, so that's always a good sign.

My first call of the night was 2 chicks from Denny's just going to Chain O' Hills, they had the cutest little black boy I have ever seen with them. As he's getting out of the car he puts his little hand up and says "high five, high five" it was just adorable.

Next, I pick up this stripper a few blocks away to take her over to Charlie's Angels. She has these humongous boobs, I'm not sure how she walks. She tells me the whole way that she is so fucked up, she's been smoking blunts and drank 3 bottles of champagne. She can't believe she's going to work this fucked up... as she continuously sniffs coke in the back seat.

Then I take this dude from Krauzer's to Michael Court, he was pretty quiet. He does this often enough, and he tips well so rock on.

I sit in the office for a little while, and Steve asks me to go get him some McDonalds. He always has these Entertainment Book coupons so he gets 2 meals. At 5 bucks, why not? (That is if you aren't one of us people trying to avoid being obese.)

Next, the guy who works at Poor Billy's home to Clark. Poor Billy's has the worst parking lot in the world in my opinion. It's all brick, and there's like this circle carport type dealie where people pull up for valet parking, (Which they won't let you into the club without using.) and it is ALWAYS backed up. The only good thing about this parking lot is one of the valet attendants is rather cute, and tends to flirt with me.

From there I take one of the Mexicans home from Red Lobster to Carteret. If you are not familiar with Woodbridge, there are about 5 houses in the area that the Mexicans live in. And they ALL live in 1 of these 5 houses. (about 40 per house it seems) Some drivers bitch about the Mexicans, personally I don't mind them. They always pay for their rides, they usually tip (even if only 50 cents), they don't really cause problems (well with us anyway... they stab each other, but they are very quiet about it), and they work REALLY hard for their $2 an hour. They do all the jobs that you or I certainly wouldn't want. So I figure let them be.

The next girl I pick up is a freakin mess. She's going on a drunken booty call to her ex ex ex ex-boyfriends, as she puts it. She asks me to stop at 7-11 so she can pick up some condoms, which unfortunately she gives me a way too descriptive explanation as to why she needs them. She also tells me all about her evening getting drunk and puking on her front porch. (again, one of those things maybe I didn't need quite so colorfully described)

I run over to grab the Irish chick from O'Hallorans and she regales me with the story of a baby bird she saw dying on the ground this morning and how it reminded her of a human baby struggling on the ground. Really uplifting, if you see no other movie this year...

From there I run to Poor Billy's and wind up with these 5 drunk screaming kids. Not a one of them could have been even close to 21. The one in the front seat insists that they go "to the black guy" while the small blonde in the backseat sings "yay-ya yay-ya yay-ya" over and over again. He was unsuccessful in collecting money from his friends so he decided not to go. I was glad, he didn't seem to have any idea where he was going... all he knew was "it's in the hood" and a few random lefts and rights.

Next was a guy going from one mexican house to another. Just as I was getting ready to tell him "cinco cincuenta" ($5.50, the only spanish I know, and their usual fare) he shocked the shit out of me by speaking almost perfect english. I felt almost a mothers pride for him! He was pretty cool though.

The next guy I grabbed from the train station was freaking gorgeous. Total pretty boy with bright blue eyes and spiky blond hair all dressed up in a suit and tie. While on route some drunk ass drove his Blazer up over a curb and practically flipped over. I said something along the lines of how everybody seems to be drunk tonight, and the guy in the back says "tell me about it, me too". He tells me he had just 1 too many bong hits in the city before realizing how far from home he was, and now he just wants to put the covers over his head and die. Hope he didn't actually die, he was way too pretty.

Back to the train for some dude to Careret, who insists on asking me my life story, but doesn't seem to like it when I ask him questions. He tells me I "seem" too cute to be driving a cab. Whatever that means.

A very small Puerto Rican girl sneaks out of a house in Port Reading, and goes to Perth Amboy. She didn't say a word other than the address she was going to.

A regular chick to work at Shop Rite, usually this one is never ready, and you always have to wait. But she was pretty quick this morning.

The last guy I take is a garbageman in Newark. He had a very strange accent (almost sounded like crackhead-ese), and a horrible stutter. I guess the guy who normally drives him to work blew him off today. He gave terrible directions there, but excellent ones to get back. His job paid for him to come in, and they actually tipped. Let me tell you it's a lot of fun to sit in a Public Works parking lot at 5 am with all the garbagemen circling you like vultures. Not.

As I was in the office booking out I heard about another driver who totaled a car pulling out of the shop parking lot where we get our cars serviced yesterday. Hope he's ok. Supposedly the airbag saved his life. He was in the new 25 car, they just aren't having any luck with that number as I wrecked the last 25 car in February. Whoops. Still dealing with the traffic ticket on that one.

Anyway, gas up and go home.

Blah.

2004-06-24T06:17:00.000-04:00

I had a really bad night. See, politics in this job are a big thing. Piss off the dispatcher and you ain't makin any money. I must have done this somehow. Granted it was very slow, but there were calls going out there. Thankfully I managed some decent tips or I'd be starving today based on what I booked.

My first call of the night was from Sweethearts (strip club) all the way to the top of Wood Ave. past Inman Ave. (PS - I HIGHLY suggest not EVER hanging out at that club. Nasty.) He is completely wasted. So he tells me he has no money on him (I wonder why) and needs to go in the house to get it. I tell him ok, but I have no change on me, you are my first fare of the night. He says this is fine. So we get to his house, he takes his sweet ass time coming out and asks me for $10 change. Grr. So now we need to go to Quick Check. He gets out of the car, goes into the pizza place & comes out eating a slice of pizza, he says "ok, I ordered my food it will be a few minutes". WHAT!! Ordered food? You bastard. So he gives me the money, and wanders into Quick Check. 10 minutes later, I called Steve and explained what was going on and can I leave his ass. Steve proceeds to freak out. "What do you want me to tell you, do whatever you want Carmello gave you the call I have no idea what's going on. I have calls coming in that will make me money." Click. Only wanted to let him know what was happening when the guy inevitably called him. Oh well. I tore ass out of there for sure.

A regular from the train home from work.

Green Street, these bastards. A group of kids stood on the corner looking like they had nowhere to go for 10 minutes finally come sauntering over to the car. When they got in I asked them what the hell was that for, and they replied that the dispatcher told them 15 minutes, and I came in 5 so they waited till 15 minutes to get in the car. The balls on these kids today I swear.

Few more quiet regulars from the train home.

An airport call. I drove through the terminal 3 times, each one getting out of the car & yelling "Checker". Almost get a ticket for stopping traffic. Finally on the 3rd time I find the guy. He gets in and sighs "finally". I tell the dude I drove through 3 times and he tells me I'm bullshitting. Whatever. So now he's mad that I don't remember him and where I picked him up to take him to the airport 2 weeks ago. Ok dude I have seen like 300 people since then, please don't act so incredulous I don't remember what kind of wallpaper you have on your walls or whatever. He only has a $100 bill which I can't break. Yes it's been slow. I'd booked less than $50 by then. So I stop at one gas station who can't break it either. Dude is now officially freaking out. Finally I get to a gas station who can break it, but he makes sure to pump gas into all 4 cars in the lot before helping me. Fine.

Mary is going home. She kind of makes me feel better & worse by telling me the shitty night she had finding out her ex is having a baby with some crackhead. Mary complains a lot, but there is something in her voice tonight that makes me truly feel bad for her. Sorry Mar.

Then I pick up one of the most talkative guys EVER. I tried to ignore him a few times but he just kept going till he got me to talk back to him. He needed to strap a bike into the trunk, then he starts telling me he graduated 4 hrs. ago, and his girlfriend is camping in her friends backyard, and he needs a car but insurance is too expensive, and he wants to buy an old cop car, and his friend works at an auto shop that services cop cars, and his friend can get him a new engine, and all about how engines work, and I look young to drive a cab how old do you need to be?, and maybe he'll do that, he needs a job at night, and he's gonna take the civil service test, and he wants to be a cop and, and, and... Told you he was talkative.

Yayy a great Type-O song comes on the radio. A looooong Type-O song which I spend pretty much all of waiting for some dude to get in the car. He looks to be about 50 and tells me to "Turn this shit up!!" Ok, no prob!
This is my last official call for over 2 hours.

Another driver comes back from AC, and needs a ride home with his son & junkie (seriously) girlfriend. She won on slots, they broke even on poker. This guy & his son are major gamblers. His son's only ambition in life is to be a professional gambler. He has no other job.

So now I finish reading the entire paper cover to cover. (even every classified ad) Complete the crossword, the jumble, and the word search. I told you it was slow.

I get a call in Iselin that turns out to be a kid who grew up around the block from me, and we have a pretty intense discussion about Tool for 5am. I let him know that my little bro is going to be here this weekend for his 21st b-day, and he promises to come out.

Last call is a guy going from Fords to the old soldiers home. He was the sweet little old man type. Very cute.

FINALLY Gas up & Go Home. Hope tomorrow is better.

2004-06-23T19:38:00.000-04:00

This is the picture on our website. I'm not sure why, our cars are neither yellow or that nice.

Overslept

2004-06-23T16:18:00.000-04:00

I overslept last night and woke up at 2am. Hence totally missed work. That's the good thing about my job, I don't feel like going, I don't.
So in the interest of posting something, I figure I will talk a little bit about some of our other drivers. Now, I don't intend to come off mean about anyone, but the truth about how truly fucked up we all are may not come out exactly nice. So in the interest of protecting those who may not know they are being immortalized here I will change their names. The very astute of you out there may be able to figure out who is who, but I will leave that to you. Also this isn't every driver with the company, just the ones I see most.

I will actually start with me. A mood-shifter can go from manic happy & hyper to pissed off, quiet & miserable with head-spinning speed. Either the nicest person you will ever ride with or the meanest.

Crazy (he actually may answer to this from time to time) - One of the angriest people I've ever met, he is banned from 7-11 for destroying the store. This is actually a pretty funny story. He spilled some hot tea on his hand and it hurt, so he knocked over the entire stock of cups they had on the counter, and when the indian guy asked him what the hell he was doing he grabbed the potato chip rack and threw it to the floor. Thankfully for him the rest of us are in there all the time so he called the office and the dispatcher managed to dissuade him from calling the police. Also for 20 something years old has the worst case of ADD I've ever seen.

Sam - A dispatcher, the only person in the world (that I know of) who can match my mood swings. When he isn't happy, he makes sure no one is happy. I like Sam, not many people do. That is one of the good things about working with him is no one else will. He has had quite a few fights with other drivers. We went out one morning after work for a few drinks, and he told me that I am one of the few people he's ever met that he considers on his level, as in not below his intelligence. I'm pretty sure this was meant as a compliment, but it didn't come off as very nice. He also isn't very nice to people on the phone. Which gets him threatened pretty often. Overall, I do really like working with him though.

Pete - Another dispatcher. Pete has the sexiest voice in the whole world. He just had a baby and his girlfriend hates me. She came to the office one day while I was sitting on the desk talking to another driver who happened to be in the bathroom when she walked in. Mind you I was nowhere near Pete, but you know how women can be. I feel bad for Pete, he deals with a lot of stress.

Abe - Abe is one of the managers, the only reason he works here is he's married to the owners daughter. He "works" for about 4 hrs. A day. Mostly talking on his cell phone, playing poker online, and making Pete's life miserable.

Harold - Main manager. Extremely nice, and terribly forgiving guy. Is like a 10th degree black belt in I believe TaeKwonDoe. He is amazingly patient. Abe is desperate to take over his job.

P.C. - His only job is calling the Welfare people and asking them if they are going to their appts. (doctor, meth clinic, etc.)PC will talk constantly in a straight monotone. Also drives Pete nuts. Poor Pete.

Bob - Bob works at night too. The world hates Bob because he's black. In his head anyway. He used to work for Lucent Technologies. When they majorly downsized and fired hundreds if not thousands of people, Bob was let go because he was black. Again in his head. He doesn't book much because he can never be found. Usually he is out wandering around somewhere. (in Iselin we believe) Also usually pretending to be on his cell phone having seemingly business conversations (at 4:30 in the morning.)

Ollie - Way to smart to be doing this. As a matter of fact, in testament to his intelligence, I mentioned to him the other night how smart I thought he was, and he told me smart meant "pregnant" in German. The guy seems to know a hell of a lot about a hell of a lot without coming off as a know-it-all. Ollie is great. He also quits drinking and smoking cigarettes about once a week. (He does these a LOT)

Donnie - Donnie works a swing type shift, he leaves not long after I do. Donnie drinks a lot. (Hey pretty much all of us do. Comes with the job I think) He kind of looks like Wilford Brimley, but his girlfriend is 10 years younger than he is and quite pretty. He's a lot nicer to me since I switched shifts, as he used to bitch I get all the good calls. If so it's only because he refuses them first. I have gotten some pretty excellent run-off calls from him. He won't want to go because he has to call his girlfriend, or use the bathroom, or stay at Metro or whatever. Nobody knows why, but hey it's his money.

Regular - This is his real handle, I'm using it cause he may read this one day, and he was a pretty good friend of mine. He talked me into taking the job. (Thanks a lot dude!) He used to be a 12-8er, but he's switched to the day shift now, so I never see him out anymore. Good guy. His thing is also drinking, a self-admitted drunk. (Again like the rest of us.)

Jim - A freelance photographer who doesn't do so well at it, I recall he was at I believe it was Gulianni's last day as mayor thing, to take pictures to sell to the newspapers, but he didn;t develop them for like a week. Jim isn't very bright (or very clean, he can be pretty ripe sometimes). There is a really funny story about him. He had a passenger in the car and had asked her if she minded if he stopped at Dunkin Donuts to grab a cup of coffee real quick. Well I guess he forgot he had her in the car because he got his coffee and proceeded to sit down and read the newspaper while she sat in the car and watched this. He needs a ride home every night, but no one wants to take him, he lives about 20 min. away and hands you like $2 if at all.

Mellow - This guy is cool as hell. He also dispatches. I love working with Mellow. He's always dressed nice, one of those people who makes sweatpants look good. Only guy I know that looks good at 3:00 in the morning on a Sunday. He works a lot. This is his second job, I don't know how he does it. He's sports guy, always a game on. (Yes even golf, on TV?!?) He's usually betting on the games I believe. He runs his own poker tournaments as well.

Carl - I don't like Carl. He's got some sort of fascination with me. I asked him out for a couple of drinks once just to be nice. (Dispatchers make you or break you, and I usually made good money with Carl.) He thought it was a date. Not quite dude. For the next week, he rang my damn phone off the hook. He's pretty new at dispatching, and he's not very good at it. I think you need just a touch of intelligence to do it if you get my drift.

Marie - Marie talks a LOT. Usually it's bitching. Scratch that it's ALWAYS bitching. Whether it's her health, or her car, or the customers, or the other drivers, it's always something. She will curse your name up and down, then be your best friend to your face. Marie HATES me. Darn. Another big drinker.

Bigpants - She's new. I don't know her that well other than the fact that she's usually hitting on all the drivers. And this the nickname they've given her on the dayshift. I hear she's leaving soon to move to Tenn. with some dude she met on the internet.

Todd - Knows everything. (Or so he'll tell you) Not a bad guy, another one I like working with, when I can get a thought in edgewise. (yes thought, not word, thought) No chance to think with him talking at the top of his voice.

Jim - Funny as hell. Jim has VERY recently started dispatching. A Lee St. graduate. (Raritan Bay Mental Health counseling, we drive a lot of welfarians here during the day.) He's kind of a manic personality, but fucking hysterical. He once told me he recently found out he's allergic to alcohol, he breaks out in handcuffs & restraining orders. I really like Jim.

I will probably use these people's real names in the posts if I talk about them, so good luck figuring out who is who. This is in no way a complete list (there are probably better than 30 drivers in all) but I'd better head off to work, so I'll be back first thing in the morning to tell you about my night. Again, please bear in mind that I am not trying to be mean in anyway about these people, just subjective. I remember once during my first week, I called Regular, and asked him if there was a single person who worked for us that was at all normal. He thought really hard for a minute and came up with a solid no. We are all seriously fucked up in one way or another, and we all have our vices. But then again isn't that true of everyone?

Quiet, Good Or Bad?

2004-06-22T06:56:00.000-04:00

Well, for the most part, the night sucked. Dead. Booked less than $100 tonight, and the freakin dispatcher needed a serious tampon or something. He can be so moody, and when Steve ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

So my first fare of the night was this couple headed from Carteret to the LaMirage via Suchs Bar. I was actually quite surprised to find that the girl who seemed nothing but ignorant at first was actually pretty cognizant and empathetic. Actually a pretty sweet girl. Aside from the fact that she was headed to a cheapo motel with a bunch of liquor and said she was going to call in 2 hrs for a ride home.

Now we head off to pick up another driver, Mary. Mary is drunk and freely admits this. She's headed from the Main to the Glass Bar. Crappy bar to crappier bar. Ouch.

Next guy complained my air freshener made his allergies bad. Sorry, but some of these people friggin STINK! My Avon Vanilla body mist goes everywhere with me! (I don't wear the crap just douche the cab with it.)

Willy. Dammit Willy's next. Let me explain Willy and my history with him a little bit. Willy has some kind of weird issue that makes him have a hard time walking. (My opinion is he makes a lot more of it for sympathy than it really is.) I think it's some kind of rotting on the bottom of his feet. (Seriously.) So he always makes a big deal that when you drop him off you can't pull away until you have watched him walk into his house or the store or whatever. He will tell you exactly HOW to drop him off every single time he is in your car. Usually Willy insists you drive him all the way up his driveway to his back porch. The problem with this is his driveway is about half as wide as the car is with big bushes on either side. So the last time I pulled up this driveway, the bushes scratched the shit out of the side of the car, I almost got fired for that one. They were convinced that I sideswiped something and ran. Honestly I wasn't even aware of it until the next night when I was getting yelled at. It was the passenger side for one, and it's dark when I work, so I never noticed. Who would think bushes could wreck a car? So anyway he wasn't happy I wouldn't pull in the driveway, but he finally deals by telling me that I have to wait for him to get in the house flick his bedroom light. Whatever. See ya!

Then I get a Raritan Center call. It turns out to be a girl that i went to high school with and sort of ran in a few of the same circles. Grr. Not that I don't like reminiscing as much as the next guy, but I don't really like talking to people that much. She wants to stop at Walgreens and spends 10 minutes in there. She comes out with like 10 bags and somehow managed to go grocery shopping in a pharmacy.

Then I pass an hour sitting at WB train station. Yayy. Finally I manage to snag a Carteret off a train. He proceeds to light a blunt upon entering the car. Great, now I get to be tired, AND smell like pot. Avon Vanilla to the rescue!

Another hour passes, but this time I'm sitting in the office with Steve watching some LifetimeTV sitcom, (Told you he needed a tampon!) and listening to him scream at customers on the phone. This gets me sent off to pick up one of these (now pissed off) customers. The guy seems to have a hard time telling me where he lives. (Now I know why Steve was yelling at this one at least) Then in an amazing flash of brilliance he says "You must think I'm a complete idiot." There's hope for the human race yet.

Annie's next. She is awesome. She goes from work hopme just about every night. She always tips double her fare. She's a bartender at a Sheraton, and one of the sweetest yet kick your ass people you will ever meet. She moved into a new apartment and is looking forward to her vacation in the beginning of July, also she has aquired a really hot roommate.

Another very long hour.

Walter Drive. Screaming Woman. Hospital FAST!. Husband says "we think it's ribs" what ever that means, I think he did it. He keeps quietly telling her to calm down and shut up, nobody wants to hear her scream. Young child with them as well. Bear in mind it is 4:30 am. Child is crying too. But very very quietly. Not a pretty scene. He tipped $2.00. He seemed too happy. Whole thing very unsettling.

Another LONG hour and just a regular morning train person.

Some talk in the office about another driver Brian. We are now convinced he is some kind of pedifile. He says he's just working here till he can afford his day care center. If you met the dude once you realize just how creepy a thought this is. maybe on one of my days off I'll write an entire post introducing you to the other drivers. (This could be an entire blog on it's own. Some strange cats indeed.)

Gas up and go home.

Welcome

2004-06-21T07:34:00.000-04:00

Welcome! Tomorrow will begin the first day of something I hope could be really interesting to compile.

See You Then!!!!